Odd dream

Last night I dreamed that I went to my appointment with the oncologist. We arrived in the waiting room full of people, and this flaky looking man in a white coat with funny shoes took my file and asked me to follow him. We walked down a white hallway with windows on the left side. D came along, but the doctor and I turned the corner before him and got in an elevator, leaving him behind. The elevator brought us to a sky train. We took a long ride, then walked a ways on a dock to get to the cancer centre that was located on a river. We went inside and the lobby looked like a bank with tellers and lots of people. He opened a cupboard and gave me 3 bottles of meds --I read on the label of the white bottle that it was to prevent my hair from falling out. And I started to cry. He led me outside and asked me to sit at a picnic table on the dock, where doctors were having their break. The tried to console me, but I couldn't stop crying. Then a woke up.

Not waking up

A few nights ago, I woke up around 3am, and said to D, very naturally "I dreamed that I had cancer" and started to cry. You know how when you wake up from a nightmare, there is an overwhelming relief feeling that takes over the moment you realise it was all in your head? That feeling doesn't come for me now. Waking up every morning these last nights is similar to having lost a loved one. My heart is broken and everytime I wake up, I can't believe I'm awake and that it's all real.