Friday, October 2, 2009

Yes, I'm deflated

It's never simple, I should know that by now. I should be the queen of Neversimpleland. I feel sore from getting hit my the reality bus once again. And deflated, pun intended.

I met my plastic surgeon this morning. She seems like a no nonsense kind of person just like my surgical oncologist. That's good considering the crap I was given, by no fault of hers. I need two surgeries, one to expand the muscle and one to position the permanent implants (then there's all the nipple procedures). The fact that I had a skin saving mastectomy makes no difference, so I've been living this wrinkly for nothing. My skin is very thin, and even though part of my breast area will be covered my muscles, only silicone implants could make them feel as close to real as I'm going to get. That's fine, since I have no extra fat to donate (and I didn't want the extra scar), and I had read that saline implants don't feel as real (but I might be wrong). The big hit, however, is that the waiting list for the first surgery is 6 to 8 months. Then it's another 6 months of expanding muscles. So I still have years of surgery and recovery ahead of me, and another half year of living in my temporary flat chested state. Needless to say I'm disappointed and feeling sorry for myself.

Will it never end? I'm strong and I'll cope, but I just want things to be back to normal, if that's possible. Maybe I'll get lucky and they'll call me in a few months with a cancellation. Let's hope.

No comments: