Saturday, July 11, 2009

Mean beached whale

So my heart hurts and keeps racing. For the last few days, I've been having what feels like heart muscle cramps, or lung cramps or something else located in my chest. Whatever it actually is, it's nothing if not disconcerting. It's worrying me quite a bit because I saw my nuclear cardiac test results in my chart and it said "abnormal" on it. Also, last time I was in the hospital, the emergency doctor asked me if anyone had ever mention to me a heart murmur. GREAT. What now? I see my oncologist next month for my follow up, so I'll ask to have those results explained to me --will also be getting another cardiac test. That's routine after chemo.

Add this heart stuff to me looking like a beached whale with all this steroid swelling, and the overall aggressiveness, mood swings, crying fits and irritability I've been experiencing (another steroid side effect), you get one messed up girl. Thank god D and C de Lune know me enough to know that I'm acting out of character. Not sick per say, just drugged out of my mind. I don't remember it being this bad the last couple of rounds, so I guess it's the accumulation in my system. Once I'm done the antibiotics, I think I'm going to fast for a day or two, drink lots of lemon water and detox the crap out of myself (no pun intended). But for now, I'm terrified this is not temporary. I don't want to stay swollen and mean for the rest of my life. An unreasonable fear, maybe. But still a very real one.

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