Coping, not courage

Many people in my life have been expressing their awe at my courage and strength. I often hear the words "I don't know how you do it" or "I could never do what you're doing". My first thought in response to that is always "what other choice do I have? If I don't, I'm going to die". It's not courage or strength, it's more a form of surrender. I have given in to my reality and instead of fighting it, I'm living with it. Death still doesn't seem real though until 14 days ago, it was just a few years away. Maybe the fact that I'm healthy and physically fit helps keep my demons at bay long enough for me to care for my child, who doesn't care about a disease --she needs a school lunch, and bedtime stories and all the rest. Life actually does go on. I'm just good at coping, I guess. It's something I've perfected over my life, and it's serving me well. Besides, when you're smack in the middle of a situation, your brain does something to help you get through it. I'm sure my memories of it all will be much worse than reality is, so far.