Let the next step begin

Tomorrow at lunch time is my first Chemo appointment --not the first treatment, but the first meeting with the medical oncologist who will tell me what's next. I have to go to the Cancer Centre at the General; it's the first time I actually have to go to a cancer specific place, and it's somewhat freaking me out. I might also get results for the hormone receptors and the gene mutation. That's stressful because I don't want to do hormone-blocking therapy. I don't want to be menopausal at 35. Because I decided on the double mastectomy, there's only a 5 to 10% chance the cancer will come back. Chemo must happen because the cancer was a grade 3 and because I'm so young --they want to flush my system of any potential cancerous cells, since I theoretically have a long life ahead of me. And if it ever does come back, god forbid, I will feel it right away, and so will doctors. The thing is, it's not something I'm worried about. I've read many women's experience with breast cancer, and so many of them were paralysed by the idea of it coming back. I'm not. I was healthy before and I plan to be even more healthy now: I'll never skip breakfast again, I'll go back to yoga, I'll run every week, I'll drink lots of water, I'll keep sleeping good nights, I'll keep smiling, I'll take vitamins and replace much of my coffee consumption with green tea. But hormone-blocking therapy, that's another thing. Loosing my breast was tolerable for me, it was a decision I don't regret. But menopause now, nuh hun. But I might not have a choice.