Positive thinking 101

Yes, yes, I know, I need to stay positive. Positive thoughts are the answer. Whenever I talk about what's coming in a realistic way, like chemo making me sick for example, I always get "come on, you have to think positive!" So really, if I have the power to make myself better through positive thinking, then my negative thoughts... gave me cancer. No? Yeaaahhhh. I don't buy it. The author of this book I'm reading elaborates on this further, and while I was reading, I was thinking "yes! absolutely, I have the right to be depressed and negative and a crap head somethings, right? If not now, when?". Still, I understand what people really mean when they say stay positive. They're telling me to try to keep my spirit, my natural positive outlook on life, my easy-come laughter. And yes, I do think the happier I stay in these circumstances, the more awesome endorphins will flow through me, the better I will cope. But lets face it, my mood and my outlook won't save me, medicine and my strengh will. When I look ahead at what's in store for me in the next few months with what sounds like negativity, I'm just being realistic. I dont' want painful surprises --if I can get my brain used to something before it happens, I'm better prepared to face it. I know chemo will make me throw up everywhere. I just know. I have a weak stomack. There's this line in the book I love that says "It's your kids world, you're only puking in it". Ha! Love it. Sooooo true. And that's fine. Bring it on. I might not "think positive" all the time, but I've got my fighting gloves on and no, cancer will not kill my spirit. I promise.